I know I could just walk down the hall and open your bedroom door and have a better than average chance of finding you there, but I have learned over time that I communicate much more clearly when I write. It helps me to focus my thoughts, and I don't wander all over as much as I do when I am talking. Also, I remember being a teenager and I would hide out in my room all day when I was stuck at home because while I loved my Dad and my brother, I really didn't want to deal with them. It's not that I hated them or was mad at them, it's simply I liked being in my own space, doing my own thing. In fact last time I checked it's pretty much the same thing every teenager does, and that's just part of growing up.
For a parent, the teenage years are a difficult thing. We remember who we were as teenagers, and we remember all the pitfalls we discovered, and that worries us. It worries me because the idea that my child may fall victim to any number of horrible things is a constant thought on my mind. It's not there because I don't trust you to make a good decision, it's not there because I believe all those horrible and bad things will happen to you, it's there because I am still seeing my child there, not a young woman. That fear is there because I remember your first breath of life and how weak and fragile you were. It's there because your well being and success became more important than my own ever were in a single beautiful moment that only a parent will ever really understand. However, the reason that fear is there isn't all that important. What is important is what I do with that fear.
I could choose the route many parents take and that's an attempt to micromanage every aspect of your life and never let you make a decision on your own. However, not only is that a lot of work, from my experience it doesn't seem to raise capable adults. Most of the children who are micromanaged tend to fall apart the first moment they are no longer under the thumb of their parents. That's not what I want for you. What I want for you is for you to be able to go out into the world and make a place for yourself. I want you to be able to chase your dreams, whatever they may be, and live a better life than I did. I gave you the first 14 years free of charge, but your kind of entering a phase of life where you start to have to make your own way. This of course terrifies me, but it is what it is.
Unlike the helicopter parents, I have taken a different approach. I have placed more responsibility on you to make your own decisions and allowed you to live with the consequences, good or bad, of those choices. Overall you have made pretty good choices. You're doing pretty good in school, though I do wish you would do better, you make smart decisions about your friends, for the most part, you don't seem inclined to get into trouble, and your more or less a very pleasant person to know.
However, I do wonder at times if I give you much space. I wonder at times if you might feel a bit like a ghost. I can understand if you do, after all I seldom talk to you, we rarely see each other, and I have been guilty of not knowing you were at Kaid's house. In my defense these were days were mommy was home and she didn't tell me about it, so it's not like you aren't supervised to some degree, it's just that your dad is kind of a serious space ranger and can forget the world exists as he chases down various dreams in his mind.
I hope you know your not a ghost to me little britches, I hope you know that I really do care about you and that I love you. I hope you know that I do pay attention to you, I just do it from a distance, because I think it's the best thing for you. However, that doesn't mean I don't want to hear about your life, your struggles, your pain, I do. I want to be an ear for your potato, I want to be someone you come to when you're having problems, so if your ever in the mood to talk, make sure I'm paying attention and come knock on my door. I will be glad to take some time for you.
I love you
Dad.
